day...119 reincarnation

Day 119... today choose what youd prefer to be reincarnated as!

And so today i was fitted with the exciting  yet daunting task of choosing from a large list full of images of beasts, objects and other such things  what i would most like to be reincarnated as.

The list included almost everything  including camels, parrots,guitars, rocking horses,giraffes, astronaughts,4x4's, crickets pears and squirrels  and about 300 more, i didnt have to pick something from the list, just something...anything but i was aware i shouldnt go into this without a sensible head on, although i dont believe in reincrnation if im wrong  its quite an important decision.

And so i made my choice.. which i will keep secret for the meantime was circled on the provided page, folded and pushed into an envelope  along with a note of introduction and my wishes for reincarnation and sen first class to the dalai lama. I guess if reincarnation is really how it works  he might hold some sway.. i donbt it  but its worth a punt right?

Day118... minus taste

day118... minus taste!

my task was simple enough" today go through life without using your sense of taste" The way i would cause this lack of sense of taste  was entirely my choice, i went the numbing whole mouth with sore throat numbing spray route.. it was a success.

I tasted almost nothing today... it was not pleasent, i like food, well good food at least  and sadly this was goulash day, a favourite of mine from my days in hungary, and i had been looking forward to it  for a couple of days ... i however managed to down an entire plate  without tasting  the slighest part of it, such a waste .

Although a seemingly harmless afliction  todays task made me feel for those who suffer it for real (and they do exist) How joyless eating some of my favourite food was fir just one day.. imagine a life in which youve never tasted anything.. and so no favourite food or drink, no pleasure in mastercation.. just eating through necesity, although i know there are worse things to have, that sounds like torture. However it probably has its advantages, there cant be an obesity problem among those with no sense of taste.

day 117... sabotaging focus groups

Day 117... Sabotaging focus groups

Focus groups are the engine room of the market economy, a place where products and services are presented to the buying public.. ad their opinions sought. And they in many ways are the only way in which the average joe on the street can effect the decisions big business takes.

Today my task was to mislead focus groups, give bad or purposely misleading advice.. while sounding  like a man who knows in stuff, in the hopes that big business would listen  and in some small way  i would have contributed to the future direction of some products.

As you may know i dont look at each task until the day it is to be completed.. and so although i tried there were no in person focus groups to take part in today...there were however online groups positively desperate for my optinons on all sorts of products and services.

I lent these online groups the weight of my considerable taste and knowledge, i made many comments.. hopefully some were heeded. here's  a sample:-

" line dancing  is  set for a big come back, ive seen the stirings all over"

"i think increasing the softness is always a good idea, but have you thought of a colour change across your range?, nobody wants white toilet paper these days its just not cool"

" risk takers like me  would love a car with no airbag, theres definately room in the world for a car for those who like to live on the edge"

day 116... 8 million ways to die!

Day 116.. 8 million ways to die!

Today benrik wanted  me to consider my own mortality, this isnt something i relished the prospect of... however after fully reading through the task i realised it wasnt going to be so bad. Iwas given a list of 100 ways to die , and asked to rank them 1-100 in order of preference.

I know everyone dies  and in the grand scheme of things  the method of transport shouldnt really matter a great deal.. but this is your own death nand so as hard as it is to think about  we all have a preference, even if its born only of knowing which ways we definately wouldnt wanna go.

Some of the 100 are gruesome others more mundane..but taken in context of yourself none seemed massively apealing.. im not typing out all hundred methods, but i shall leave a sample of my mreference list below.

98- ebola virus
93- anthrax in mail
67- swallowed wasp
53- eaten by dinosoars
46- bludgeoned with baseball bat
34- heroin overdose
27- lynched
22- suicide bombed
17- mafia
10- friendly fire
7-  cocaine overdose
1-  duel

day 115... lotus position

                                                                   this isnt me!
                                             DAY 115... sit in the lotus position all day

When i took on this book and decided to do a task a day it was with the intent of if possible following all tasks  to the letter  and atempting  to succeed and complete them, However although i gave todays a good shot, it was simply beyond me... as you can see i was to sit in the lotus position all day, my reasons  for failure in this task are as follows:-

1.I didnt have the day free so anymore than a couple if hours was simply not possible.

2.I after a 40 min atempt  could bare no more lotus positin  a mixture of aching and boredom restricted me from doing it any longer. The idea was to sit in the position and relax, ill have to say i dont find sitting in such an awkward position even slightly relaxing. however i did give it a blast.. 40 mins of not being able to move was torture. but i gave it a good go.. allbeit around 23 and  a bit hours shorter than what the task required. abaetween you and me  i think it was an unreasonable request.

day 114... today act suspicious

day 114...   TODAY ACT SUSPICIOUS

Today i was bade to spend the day engaged in suspicious or faux suspicious activity... i dont struggle with this, im reliably informed that i manage to look like im upto no good doing the most menial of tasks.is ot a crime to be private i asks you?!!

This task was intended to alarm the general public and so i headed into town, in a long jacket and a back pack and set about looking as shifty as possible.. i couldnt be there to see all that id set up occur.. however i lik to think the shoppers in cuttys were slightly concerned when every single alarmclock on display went off at exactly 2.15. after a while of being shifty in the bus station and general loitering i headed home and searched explosives intensively, hoping to raise suspicions  but not so many that armed bobbys rocked up to my abode.

I briefly considered blacking up and cracking on a beard to look all islamic, but i realised that was maybe a bridge too far, its hard to know what to do to look suspicious in this day and age, for me at least rightly or wrongly suspicious has distictly islamic overtones... so i did the above  and tried to remember to speak in a bradford asian accent for the day innit bruv!

i believe i carried out this task in the spirit it was intended, im not prepared to worry the public of boro too much.. they have enought to worry about.

day 113... kill something day!

Westerrn civilisation supreses our totally natural, legitimate, agresive impuses! We are forced into denying our animalistic, natures. The book asks nay commands me to fight againt this, to shake off the daisy chain shackles with which i am bound,with a protest that sends a shudder to the heart f our western world.. and forces it to look again at its stance on violent daliance!

So i went out to cause harm.. harm without rhyme or reason, a motiveless, merciless act.. a display of unrepentent primal rage!

I didnt want to go to prison  so attacking a human was simply out of the question, and animalsss man.. i couldnt do that, and my friends there were no insects immidiately at hand to suffer my wrath!

And so.. this was neccesary!

primal man's furious attack on the plant world! look at it beautifull and horendous all at once! you cant take your eyes off it!

day 112.. joining extreme organisations.. and out extreming them!

Today i joined extreme organisations.. , got myself onto their websides and into their forums  and atempted a shock and awe campaign.. is it possible to out extreme extremists?
Well i went out there to see, i afiliated myself  and mingled in there with all manner of groups the b.n.p, a.l.f, e.l.f! to see how extreme i could get, and still have hem agree with me!

below you will find some of my brainwaves , i can tell you i actually got support for someof my ideas.. tho admitedly the less funny ones.  
on the b.n.p messageboard:- Flippin foreign holiday makers  coming over here on holiday, drinking our beer, sleeping with our women, end tourism now! Thomas cook and his croneys changing our country trickle by trickle! should be ashamed of themselves!

On animal liberation front message board:- I hate the lesser importance asigned to our brothers and sisters in the insect world, i love all animals! animals beat people all to hell! i say  kill the fly killers! whos with me?

on earth liberation front's message board:- We (humans) are entirely to blame for the plight of our beutifull planet! She is the himan race's battered wife! We are an incorrigible scourge on the face of the earth. The only solution is to all move to another , more resilient planet asap!

Did i out extreme them.. some of the replies i got in sympathy with my views  would lead me to believe  sadly maybe i didnt!

day 111 zombie proofing your house!

Today the book told me it was time to put things in order and zombie proof my home. Theres no sugestion that a zombie attack is iminent or that one is even possible.. but better to be safe than sorry right?

Best to know what your dealing with, and i for one have never met a zombie.. so to make sure i was fully mentally prepared i did some research.. photos (which didnt look apealing), typical undead behaviour, i discovered there are different types of zombie too, which was news to me. anyway apparently  they like to eat brainst and stuff.. im just not up for that.

The next step was to  gather tools and nails with which to baricade myself into the house, get those doors boarded up, Then i became accutely aware there was no food in the office or my room (chosen baricade zone) so i stockpiled non perishable food.. i coould be in there for a while!

Then came time  for a dry run  how quickly could i leg it upstairs,  nail myself in with scran and weapons galore? i  tried really hard to imagine it!  terifying.. anyway the point is i made it  in my imagined scenario.. thats good enuf for me! they dont want a piece of this!

If it ever kicks off with zombies.. your welcome to join me  .. we can hold them off here, adhere strictly to the food rationing tho  or ill shank you up! pointless hiding from the undead to end up just plain dead through greedyness innit!