day 19... enter Mr World

Day 19... enter mr world     
So today... my task  was "enter miss or mr world" benrik wanted me to send a short letter in application to miss/mr world , whichever is aproppriate to gender,..asking to be included in their considerations, this i did on pretty pink paper, and as miss/mr world certainly wouldnt like not be branded as an organisation that makes its selection for the televised finals based solely on looks, i thought maybe i should include some info on myself... hobbies, dreams that kind of thing. Along with a passport photo of myself looking fresh of course... you should find the letter situated below.

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Dear Organizers,


Please include me in your selection process for the next Mr world. I believe I deserve to win, due to my chiselled good looks, keen interest in world peace, love for all of humanity and ability to look spiffing in evening and swim wear.

Name: mike Shotton
Address: 129 Braemar road, Billingham, TS23 2aj

D.O.B: 10/11/1976

Height: 6ft

Stastics: awesome by wow by sublime

Occupation: camera man/ immense individual

Dream: to see world peace in my life time

Hobbies: looking pretty, being thoughtful,

Endurance sudoku, swimming with

Dolphins.
Yours expectantly
Michael Shotton


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Officialy putting myself forward for Mr World is beyond hillarity, and i love it, obviously i wont get the thumbs .. but if i get so much as a letter in response i will be over the moon... and hugely amused.

mission accomplished.  check the site out tho  ... http://www.mrworld.tv/index.php/en/contestants

Let me say as i side not i used the tenner with "spend me you beast" on it  ( from day 17's task)  today in a cafe.. without realising and the girl behind the counter cracked up saying "have you seen this?" i said yeah! " it says spend me you beast!!"  i know said i..."Did you put it on there?" she asked...i refused to either confirm or deny but instructed her not to peel it off, but to leave it on there for whichever customer recieveed it.. she giggled more and agreed. result!

day 18..... judgement day

The book informs me that judgement day is looming,(wasn't too great a suprise)  and informed me that i should complete a self assesment form to maybe make gods job of assigning me to either heaven or hell a little easier,... now as you may be aware i dont subscribe to the tally system that exists in some religions , i dont believe my  good deeds being greater in number than my bad will exempt me from hell or whatever youd like to call it.. and viceversa.. so with that pre-cursor, and  disclaimer in there as im slighly worried about blasphemy.. on we go with the form..

again i plan to keep this tame.. the book entry is less mild.

* indicates dont be judging me... i swear down it was years ago.

GOOD DEEDS
prayed
served a mission
went to church
tried to be honest
performed heimlich manouver (to stop someone choking)
freed a sheep from barbed wire
never voted labour
good listsener
loyal

 BAD DEEDS
 stole and worse
 borrowed library books forever
 set fire to  alley,whole streets fences lost*
 smashed up police car window*
 picked up £50 off bus seat (i saw who left it)
 cheated at monopoly (everytime)                                                                         beef   crisps (cant explain more)
padded out expense claims                                
misused chloroform*
misused lots of things*
tried sushi*
consumed 5x body weight in donner meat
took part in pig slaughter ( and took photos)
consumed things i shouldnt

and incase there was a dead heat.. a section for the everyday stuff...

OTHER
kept cd's either alphabetically  or in  Chronological order
prefered dance move:- running man
never stopped liking the magic roundabout
loves lemon sorbet
drinks lots of coke
votes conservative
supports the boro (should gain me some brownie points)
lived in hungary
had a cat called moses
refused to consume admirals pie
was scared of daddy long legs
couldnt handle fluffy tea towels (had to bite them)
had  mild o.c.d's
saluted magpies
ran through the fish section of supermarkets

As previously stated thi isnt how it works as far as im aware.. but the book insisted so here it is.. no thunderbolts please.



                      

day 17.....sticking notes on cash!!

Day 17.. my task today was simply to "stick a message on a bank note"  the idea being to bosh a message on there and put it into circulation for the general public to view. simple enough right? The problem i was having is i didnt want to write on my cash and deface it badly enuf that people would refuse to accept it, and also i struggled to find stickers big enough to hold a message that i wanted to send.. anyway finally i found stickers... the messages due to size of the adhesive labels are short but sweet.


However this task reminded me of something, about a month ago i bought somethig with a tenner in a shop, and among the shrapnel handed back to me  was  a pound coin thats entire " tails" side was hidden under a yellow GAY CHAT  sticker, that fit it perfectly.. as if it had been custom made for a pound coin.. I t was an odd experience, it was so disturbing that i wanted to keep hold and show it to everyone i knew,.. so they could also be shocked, also i was reluctant to hand it over in a shop, my worry was the girl behind the counter would for some reason think i used gay chat purely because i posessed the coin. (stupid i know)

 Now i realise its probably just a marketing campaign for said chat line, but part of me wonders, and really hopes it was another, and better prepared benrikian (follower of the book). I hope whoever gets these notes is as shocked and amused as i was shocked and horified to recieve  my stickered up gold dabloon.

day 16... skeletons leaving a closet

Day 16.....  Today  is a task i am somewhat worried about and have been looking at with some amount of nervousness since i brought the book home,  I am required to "let the skeletons out of my closet", this in effect is an amnesty of secrets, things we would rather people didnt know, the book wanted me to write them within its covers and share them with my nearest and dearest.

However with some lack of foresight i started this blog and pledged to complete all 365 tasks included in this book,and blog my experience here.. So in addition to my closest, anyone who cares enough to read gets to be apauled by my actions too, (tho i wont include my worst here, for fear of arrest or linching) this does not fill me with joy.

The categories the book insists i include in the afore mentioned closet clearence are.. relationship skeletons, professional skeletons,criminal skeletons,childhood skeletons and miscellaneous skeletons. Mike will focus on the humerous rather than the outright bad.

SO... im doing one of each of the above on here..

Relationship:-
 I once finished a mid-ish term relationship with  a  really nice, very bonnie girl simply because i could no longer deal with her inability to finish her sentences.  (though of course this wasnt the reason i gave her)

Professional:-
Well im not sure my c.v being at about a quater ficticious counts as a skeleton, so. I used to live in hungary, where i spent some of my time teaching english to hungarian students.. i will have to admit to wilfully missleading them, and  routinely getting them to include inapropriate words in otherwise perfectly acceptable sentences.
( i like to think they didnt discover my cunning  until after they tried out theyre skills on unsuspecting english speakers)

Criminal:-
I once lett off a smoke bomb in  a packed indian restraunt, resulting in smoke and sprinklers galore and  the establishment (at least 20 dinners) and staff needing to be evacuated. A comedy chase sequence ensued involving myself and several angry waiters as i sprinted for the getaway car . For some reason i did this in a fur jacket and elvis shades, presumably i thought it a good disguise.

Childhood:-
When i was about 9 i threw a log at a moving car, smashing its passenger side window, and causing other damage... this car turned out to be a policeman's, he got out , put his hat on and led me directly to my front door to explain to mum exactly what had just gone down... nightmare! (In my defence my older brother and his friend did encourage me)

Miscellaneous:-
Again.. im gunna reflect on childhood..as  your not really bad as a kid  just naughty... around the same time as the log/car incident.. me and my brother once lit the fallen willow thingies from a pussy willow tree which had fallen all the way down the back alley, We had no grasp of how flamiable these things were.. and before we knew it the whole back alley was ablaze... with peoples garden fences taking a sound scorching... we headed back to our house with haste and proclaimed to our parents (who were somehow unaware of the incident, or at least our part in it) "we are tired.. were going to bed" They were understandibly suspicious as it was about 4pm. (they still dont know...  unless they read this)

Some skeletons outed!!

day 15.... cheese and nightmares!!

Day 15....." Does cheese really give you nightmares? " today benrik invited me to choose from a list of cheeses, and to consume 100 grams in one sitting, (preferably close-ish to bed time) ... the idea being to test the theory that cheese or at least certain cheeses  cause nightmares..... and to record my dreams.

THE LIST:-
danish blue
gorgonzola
gruyere
parmesan
stilton
brie
emmental
rocquefort

I went for a very naughty 100g of danish blue, if your going to scran that much cheese.. may aswell make an event of it right?, So i got my  blue, grabbed a fork and began mastercation.. im not going to lie, as much as i like blue cheese knocking an unacompanied block of the stuff straight back really wasn't a plaesurable experience.

 A few hours later i settled down to a good nights kip, wondering what my dreams would hold, did dairy really bring out the monsters?   The result:- Yes i did have a nightmare, tho of course i have no way of knowing or proving that the danish blue i consumed was the cause thereof.

The nightmare tho i wont be graphic  (ive made my own account of it) involved moider..I awoke during the night in a right sweat and with a pounding heart....My dread turned to jubilation when the haze cleared , and i realised id just taken part in some odd sort of scientific experiment. The dream provoked a question tho, do different cheeses inspire different nightmares?

Conclusion:- I cant say for scientific fact wether or not cheese causes bad dreams, But i can tell you that the thought of devouring that much cheese in one go again gives me the chills. (for the record i believe the cheese was the cause of my homicide based dreamings)

mission completed.

Day 14... testing proverbs

Day 14... Today i was encouraged to pick a proverb or ( old wives tale) and test its truthfullness... For example "the grass is always greener on the other side of the fence"  i could test the accuracy of this proverb by finding a fence with grass at either side and closely monitoring the shade of grass that came from both  sides of the fence.
Thus rendering the above statement truth or imaginative but sadly innacurate...

O.K i was a little pressed for time today and really didnt have the luxury of walking in the coutryside, fence spotting, or to set off cake buying to see if i could in fact have my cake and eat it,  also as im generally away when my cat is, i have no real way of guaging wether the mice play, however there is/was one theory i could test simply and effectively.

 Does an apple a day keep the doctor away??... well  i had an apple (granny smiths if youre interested) in the kitchen,... and have been feeling prety ruff for a good number of weeks now, so i thought ideal oppertunity.. im unsure as to how many days one should consume apples before the desired affect comes to fruition, but then i thought... well surely the statement leads one to believe that the apple is the reason the doctor is not required, and so, one apple on one day , should be enought to keep you fighting fit and in no need of the doctor on that day...

So feeling ruff i tucked into the apple.. crunch by crunch wondering if this bite would cure my mystery ailment, the result disapointingly... it didnt  apple consumed  and i could stil do with a trip to the  doctor.


conclusion  " an apple a day keeps the doctor away"  - inacurate... tho it was a mighty fine apple.

Day 13... getting angry at electrics

Day 13... and  today my task was to "rage against the machine" , I know this sounds like its going to be some shamefull leftist, anarchic, angry at government and society type task, but rest easy my good people, the book has no more desire to have me involved in such a tragicaly misguided student passtime, than i do to sign myself up for such laughable folly.... innit!

What was the tast really all about then?.. well quite simply i was required to rage against machines... get angry at, shake a fist at, curse and generally berate the machinery and house hold apliences i use daily,This i dont mind telling you was no problem for me, im an impatient man  so while i dont normally find myself shouting at my kitchen goods, it wasnt going to take much effort to reach the level of anger being requested.

 So, first thing this morning ..while preparing my marmite on toast(mmmmm i know, beautifull right\). i was hammering my fist on the kitchen worktop in despair, and lambasting  my toaster for its lazyness... still light browwwnn?? after 2 mins? ARE YOU TRYING TO WIND ME UP??
EH?   This afternoon was the kettles turn.... now.. while i have  a kettle i have no real use for it , and so will have  to make a shameful admission here...Ididnt need the kettle boiled for any good reason.. i just wanted oppertunity to be vexed with my kitchen based electrical water boiler.... this i did... "why are you being so loud?" CAN'T YOU BOIL QUIETLY?... I did feel pangs of guilt for that afterwards...I mean picking a fight with your kettle to make up the numbers   really is pretty shady.. still sure he took it well.

Also smitten by the tongue of my mouth tody were :-
. the computer , more precisely microsoft word's nosey paper clip( I'll tell you when i need some asistance you NOSEY GET!!)
And...
The t.v for that second after switch on that i get sound with no picture!! Why does it do that tho seriously? If i was happy with the whole sound with no picture situaion  id just have put the radio on right? RIGHT?

Anyway today i raged against the machine as requested... Tho i do feel i picked fights with one or two  apliances  that on the whole serve me well... and i might have to do some apologising in the morning.

you know what they say... hell hath no fury like a toaster scorned.. that iis the quote isnt it?/

ANYWAY DAY 13'SMISSION COMPLETE...

.

day 12.... terrify yourself and others

Day 12... My task today was to "terify myself and others" The idea being that i pick a few from a long list of topics that should raise fear in both myself and those around me , then think about, and talk to others about said fears all day long.. giving us all something dreadfull to fret about.

The topics i chose to wangle into.. hmmm just about every conversation i had today were terrorism, serial killers, nuclear war, global warming and the ebola virus..

On the subject of ebola, you never fully apreciate how hard it will be to slip that topic into a conversation from leftfield until you have to do it... personally i lead into it with " flippin eck my stomach is in bits...i hope it;s not the ebola virus" I am pleased to report that i got at lest 3 mins discusion on how awfull the above mentioned virus is, what it does... and in what situations we could be at risk of catching it. Inflaming everyones sense of danger.

Nuclear war

O.K... nuclear war scares the shiz out of me allready.. FACT! , so not much work required here, but i put some in anyway.. looking at photos , reading documents on the after effects on any suvivors of a nuclear strike etc.. i even watched a horific cartoon i saw when i was a kid about nuclear fall out etc  called "gone with the wind" cartoons really shouldnt have that effect on a fairly scare proof grown man. I talked to my parents about nuclear war. I dont think they were scared, however mydread remains.. nay growns.

Terrorism

Terrorism as already stated was another of my chosen topics , anyone who knows me well enough, will atest to the fact that this wasnt much of a stretch for mike, terrorism wether seriously or in jest is something i regularly find myself discusing..but rather than focusing on what should happen to the perpatrators, or worrying a bin laden in training had messed with my food down my local asian restraunt , i just focused on the fear...the attacks themselves, and the sheer bowl looseningly scary prospect of it, then talked to mates  about it... as any good friend would.

                                                    Global warming

Global warming, shamefull as it may sound isnt something i let bother me too much , i guess  because its a political inconvenience partly  , also in part because i dont buy that theres anything i can really do about it, little me, big world, it kinda feels as pointless as panicing over a comet plumeting to earth.. yeah its scary.. but theres very little you can do to prevent  it. today i decided that would change.... by that i dont mean i did something about it.. i just mean as instructed i let it scare me..look at images of global warming on google, its scary stuff, also i tried to induce sadness in myself by looking at images of worried looking polar bears stood on ever shrinking plates of ice  . if your a polar bear  that really would be cack. i mean come on, they arnt built for long shifts of swimming. and i like polar bears.. so maybe ill worry about it a little more now.

Finally....... Serial killers

I am fascinated by them, maybe read about them in leisure time a little too often, but rather oddly dont generally find myself scared ,let alone terified when theyre on my mind, i had a think about why that was today.. the conclusion i reached is thus..the thing with serial killers is, you only have a name and a face to attach to one when they are caught, by which time they are either behind bars for the rest of their lives or dead...and you neednt fear anyone in either of those situations. But i talked to others about some of the most hanous crimes perpatrated by famous killers..i believe it had the desired effect.

At the end of the day having dicussed all picked out topics, i feel i have succeeded in scaring myself a little more, and infecting those around me with a little more fear.. mission accomplished.

day 11's letter to VIC.. for your consumption!!

Dear Jim/Vic (Whichever you deem more apropriate)

I am quite literally your biggest fan , if your picturing one of those hand held ones from the quid shop forget it.. way bigger than that, more like a desktop fan.

I first remember seing vic reeves big night out in 1990, and creasing up like the mouth of an elderly smoker, and have enjoyed all of your work since, everything from bang bang,and randal & hopkirk to the weekenders, and lest we forget your sterling voice over on the boost adverts.. never do i open said chocolate bar without thinking "slightly rippled with a flat underside" well said vic, well said.

O.k,... creepy praise complete now the point of the letter, I have this amazing manual " this book will change your life", now... while im aware your life maybe doesnt need changing, may i encourage you to give the afore mentioned book a gander, in essence its 365 tasks that the writers (benrik) encourage you to complete, a task a day for a year.

these tasks range from the small and seemingly inconsequential, to the downright hazardous, the idea being you put your life in the hands of benrik, and let the book take control,(who wants control of their own life.. right?)

May i point you in the direction of this website http://www.benrik.co.uk/, and join us.

I would be over the moon to hear from you

worshipfull adoration

mike shotton

Day 11..recruit a celebrity!!

Vic reeves... pure genius

Daft glasses.. proof of genius

Day 11..and benrik wanted me to "recruit a celebrity to the benrik cult" .

This task i liked the idea of.. The biggest problem i was going to have was thinking of someone reguarded as a celebritity, who i actually admired... It was important for me, loving the benrik cult as i do , that the person i wrote to was worthy of the knowledge of its existence.

The book also implied it would like the letter to be slimey... no problem i thought, and bum-kissy, if thats a word ( i know its not), i cant think the actual word.. i hate bum kissing, so this would have to be someone i really reeeaaallly liked.

My no doubt soon to be over the moon celebrity (comedian really) is MR Vic Reeves, i could honestly picture him loving it... It wasnt a hard decision in the end, Vic and Bob have been my heroes .. comedy and otherwise since like 1990, when i first caught vic reeves big night out late night on channel 4 .

They are without doubt the 2 funniest men to have walked the earth... I love comedians like frankie boyle and jimmy car nowadays... but the origionality of vic and bobs brand of comedy grabbed my atention all those years ago.. and iv'e been beyond a devotee ever since, so a sickeningly over the top, praise filled letter shouldnt be beyond me i thought.

I wrote and dispatched the letter today.. hold tight for a response.. if i recieve one i will need scraping from the ceiling, but after this happens i will happily post it here.

you should find my letter for Vic above.

dont have nightmares, do sleep well.

Day 10.......the list!!

Lets not!!

not hapening!!

well... possibly!!

Yeah... why not?

Day 10... "Things you will never do before you die" Today the book gave me a big fat list of things.. in ticky box form and invited me to mark off the things i will never do , the idea being to come to terms with things i will not, or dot expect to achieve in my lifetime.

There is something truly frightening about being confronted with the workings of your own mind in black and white, The things your unchecked, uncensored mind told you were possible or not in your lifetime.. this was the experience i had today when completing the afore mentioned list, i went through it box to box... going with initial impulse..thinking nothing of it...however upon review a few hours later i became slightly worried by the things i would and wouldnt rule out!!

The list is huge, too big to list everything... i'll share some things i thought were and wernt possible!.

not possible!!!

. learning italian

. mastering the yoyo

. meet your great great grandchildren

. cause an intergalactic rift

. find nirvana

. find out what its all about

. burn a bank note

.participate in the olympics

. sue the government

. eradicate hepititis c

. die of hard work

. save a whale

. use the term "solutionize"

. be gay

. speak in tongues

possible!!

. apease a dictator

. fight a bull

. have my face on a bank note

. commit arson

. face a firing squad

. head a posse

. do the rubiks cube

. serenade a lover

. write a best seller

. cause an international icident

I'm not sure further comment needs making.. just view the 2 lists.. i know why i made all of those snap decisions... for the most part i stick by them, even after time to think, ludicrous as they look ... i have no motivation to learn a yoyo, and no desire to pick up italian, so they in reality are no more realistic than apeasing a dictator or facing a firing squad... as getting myself into bother is something i have awas seemed to excel at.

anyway there it is.

I dont feel sad about much on the wont do list, but a little worried at some of the possibles.

mission accomplished

day 9...self portrait day!!

Day 9... Today my task was to "do/take a self portrait" , and above you can see the results, wether it bares any resemblance to me is questionable.. but to be honest i could never paint faces... however this is the portrait.. you may notice i sneakily wangled my way out of doing an accurate-ish mouth with the ingenious idea you see aloft...

This took maybe an hour or so, It's an hour ill never get back, missed what sounded like an engrosing convo on talk sport to get it done. Only after i read the instructions thorougly did i realise, i had the option of just taking a photo of myself as portrait. I would defo have chosen the photo option, but theres a million and one of them allready right? and who doesnt enjoy washing paint off their hands? oh yeah .. that'l be me!!!

day 8... eat food that scares you!!

Day 8... "today eat food that scares you" At first i wasn't quite sure how to take on this task, scare is a strong word.. i mean would i need to hunt down blubber fish, maybe decomposing road kill? atempt to devour an entire hedgehog spikes and all? i looked in the local supermarket for something i was terrified of eating, something exotic, unusual.. well i did a full tour of tesco and found nothing of the new and odd variety that quickened the heart enough to be considered "scary".

After returning home from the unsuccesfull supermarket trip, i decided to look within the hidden depths of my parents food storage behind endless dusty tins of baked beans and chopped tomatoes , right at the very back of the cupboard, forgoten by time ,something lurked.. it was in a tin, a rectangular tin... and as i pulled it into the light, and saw the label, i had to nod respectfully, and with a good amount of dread, and acknowledge that i had found the food of which i was truly scared...mackerel fillets in brine!!!!

As i opened the tin, the stench of fish and brine hit my nostrils like like a well aimed slap across the cheek, and the consistency and taste of the fish intitiated my gag reflex...this i guess is what was meant to happen,, if you feel sick before you open the tin you are truly scared. fish of any description is bad, fish in tin and brine.. worse. was it as awfull as id always asumed? no! it was WORSE! By a frikkin country mile! thanks benrik!

day 7... tatoo a banana

Day 7.. "tatoo a banana" so today i was encouraged to deface a banana, i decided to run with a theme.. the theme of my blog innit.. may aswell make it topical and current i thought!!

So here it is, and while i understand i could have taken a more artsy aproach and made it look mint, i kinda prefer the idea of fruit bearing sponsorship .

Seriously wev'e all seen fruit in the supermarket apples, kiwis, oranges etc with the little fruit sticker on bearing its brand name... but people have missed a trick here, political parties, major brands, terrorist organisations...

i'm just throwing it out there ... a banana with bin laden's face on it, endorsing islamic extremism, and jihad against the west, those bananas are sent to western countries, where we buy them, and peel the filthy beggars face off with the rest of the skin when we eat it, getting to feel like we are doing our own little bit to fight the spread of terror here in the safety of a western democrasy... they get advertising, we get to fight terror.. everyones a winner!!

Anyway i digress, so.. i went at the banana with an implement i am relaibly informed is called a nappy pin? (it has touched no nappies people, be calm, hygiene did not suffer in this experiment) and calved into it the 2 messages you see above, i was encouraged to leave the calved banana in the window to speed the browning process.. but it was lashing down today so no such luck.

the problem i now have is im a little picky with food, and now ive made the skin all brown and nasty .. there are 2 hopes of me eating this banana no hope and bob hope, so in the attitude of "waste not, want not".. if anyone fancies it, pop round and use the code word which is "mr tallyman"

dadeesh!!

day 6....subvert consumer society from within

Today's task "subvert consumer society from within" .
The idea being to enter high or perceived high end fashion stores and leave little notes in pricey items for the eventual buyer to be faced with.. above you will see some examples ,pre-deposit.

I enjoyed this task to the fullest, and will have to admit to a good hard smirk upon realising the extent of my hypocrisy, not only was i leaving left leaning, anti capitalist messages, ( a political stand point i have never and would never advocate) BUT... i was leaving them in shops that i frequented myself.

Just the thought of a girl taking home her extortionately priced boots , and finding the message "with these boots you are crushing the poor" is almost enough to make me loose bladder control.

Highlight of the day without a doubt was almost being sussed while leaving a note in some posh shoes, and having to rescue the situation by sending the assistant away for another size while i finished the job and left.

Middlesbrough town centre has had the finger of an imaginary, liberal, bleeding heart hippy waved disapprovingly in its face.. hope it was an enjoyable for it as it was for me!!.

day 5... sketching the public.

Todays task.... "sketch someone opposite you on public transport and see how they react" Well i wasnt on public transport today , so i was sat in reception of the endoscopy dept at the hospital.. waiting for someone .

And i thought well there is someone opposite me and i dont know them... it was a man in his 50's sat with his wife.. i chose him as he looked like he may not have had a one min portrait of him done before. He started to look a little freaked out by me looking straight at him while skribeling and so looked at me in a prolonged stare, which was ideal, as i was working on his eyes at the time ( the right eye isnt as wonky as shown here)

As 1 min isnt enough time for colour ill tell you...he was sporting a lovely beige high neck fleece with a pastel green shirt ( not a combo i would endorse, but he seemed to like it).. i couldnt get his mouth as in a minute it went from relaxed to worried to verging on vexed... anyway mission acomplished.

day 4... sneaky swearing

so... today benrik encouraged me to "discreetly give the finger to people all day today", i believe i was faithfull to this...though i didnt display to everyone , some people just arnt koshure to lash obscene finger gestures at, discreet or otherwise, However you can rest asured sufficient people were witness to my fertive digital cursing.

For instance the lady in the shop who served me with my sarnie ,crisps and coke meal deal.. took a second look, similarly the guy who was watching me read a book on the bus couldnt take his eyes off my finger resting casually down the spine of the book. I came to a realisation, whatever the finger gesture , be it blatant or fertive, any potential for anoyance canbe offset with a smile.. this seems to be confusing to the recipient.. how does one deal with a smile and an agincourt salute in unison?

well as of today others know, im yet to find out.

next: day 5 sketch the public .

DAY 3's letter incase your interested!

To whom it may concern:

I just wanted to say how much I appreciate all that the armed forces do to protect freedom around the globe, and keep us safe here in the U.K

You do a great job and are well worth my tax money, keep up the good work . Now
If I may be so bold , from what I can gather from the T.V the city of Kerbala looks relatively undefended at the moment. If you crept up through the eastern suburbs through the dead of night with a battalion, I bet you could bag yourselves some insurgents.

With you all the way!
A gratefull citizen.

day 3...Advise your military today

ADVISE YOUR MILITARY...

Today benrik wants me to write to the military, give it a pat on the back.. and then offer some sugestions.. possibly of a tactical nature.

Now i was both excited and slightly worried by this task, i was over the moon at the thought of expounding my own ideas to the military as if i had either insider information, superior tactical knowledge or preferably both, however im also aware that things being the way they are, this kind of thing might even get you into trouble.... especially if i accidentally say something that sounds like i know what im talking about... I wrote and sent it anyway see atached image... and if you can zoom in you can read it...

I hope they apreciate my input, and also my technical nouse...

if not i jope they dont take it too personally...

day 2...

the love of your life...
Todays task was to gaze at everyone wondering whether they are the love of your life, and whether you are passing them by forever,.... unaware of the consequences.

Now ill admit i did gaze... however im not sure i was truely wondering any of the above.... i made a point of forcing myself to do it once or twice, in the name of obedience...i tried to wonder it about the most unlikely of people.. the lady in the burkha, the old woman in the headscarf with the pully bag on wheels... i mean why should i be ruling out anyone based on age.. or ehtnicity???

Anyway as i said i did force myself to wonder.. but i reached a definate conclusion... NO!! none of them were the love of my life and my passing them by was entirely normal.

thanks for caring anyway tho benrik

day 1 ... warm up day

benrik informed me that today to get into the habbit very little would be expected of me i was presented with options of a tiny thing to do my options included:

. increase your typing speed by 3 words a minute
. hold the phone to your other ear
. try a new sandwich filling
. whisper a lie when noones listening
. go on a one munuite hinger strike
. do one press up
. perform a striptease in private

I actually did 2 of the above such was my vigour... but my "official" task for day 1 was one press up ... i was tempted to do more while i was down there... bus is that disobedience on the first day?

tommorow: the love of your life

this book will save your life

this is a diary i followed last year... this is the new edition everyday i get a task i need to complete they range from the simple to the bizare to the outright dangerous.... i will task each task in this book within the aloted 365 days. check back for daily task updates...